If your child’s grades are dropping as they enter junior high and high school, it can be difficult to know how to best support them. The teenage years are a time of identity formation, and this usually brings big change in tastes, behaviours, and attitudes towards school. For many parents, their teen’s change from a high achieving child with great marks to a teen who could care less about school can be jarring. Reminding your teen that going to school is their 'job'—a responsibility that helps them build important skills and prepares them for the future—can help reinforce the purpose of education and encourage accountability. How can you help a teenager struggling in school? Read on for our compassionate, teen-centred guide.
Understanding the Problems
The first step in solving the problem of low grades or poor school performance is to talk to your teenager. Look for a time when you can both be free of distractions, and you can sit face-to-face and discuss. Many parents try to have these conversations while driving — but you can’t pay attention to your child’s emotions and the traffic at the same time! To truly understand and validate your child's emotions, it's important to be fully present during these conversations, so you can recognize and respond to their feelings effectively. Distracted conversations often lead to frustration and can turn into arguments.
Remember, a sudden change in grades is rarely due to “laziness” and is not going to be solved by taking a tough-love approach. Have a discussion with your son or daughter that’s focused on discovery, not blaming. There are usually three issues underlying poor school performance, which we’ll discuss below:
Identifying Academic Issues
If your child is maintaining good marks in most of their classes but struggling in one or two areas, the reason is probably the difficulty level of the homework or tests. Maintaining good grades can be a strong motivating factor for students, encouraging them to stay engaged and strive for improvement. This is often the easiest issue to resolve. With some tutoring help and an ongoing check-in with their teacher, your child will likely improve their grades steadily.
Even so, ongoing poor performance can impact a child’s self esteem. Attitudes like, “I’m just not good at math”, or fears like “the other students will laugh at me if they hear me read aloud in class” can cause your teen to stop working hard in the subjects they’re struggling with. Try to support them emotionally when you discuss their low grades. Hear them out about their feelings and fears before jumping to the solutions phase. Tutoring, which can be so helpful for a teen’s self-esteem, will feel like a punishment if it’s something you impose on them. Instead, let tutoring be a decision you make together.
Recognizing Emotional and Mental Health Concerns
Maybe your teen’s poor performance is not limited to one or two subjects. If they’re also showing major changes in their behaviour or attitude, this indicates some deeper emotional struggles. The teen years can be a difficult time for parents. It’s easy to feel bewildered when your sunny little one turns into a sullen and moody teen. However, this indicates that they need your love and support more than ever. Before you focus on discussing homework, studying and grades, check in with your teen about their feelings. Are they happy with their friends, and enjoying school generally?
Low grades as a result of emotional difficulties are merely a symptom. As a parent, you need to address the root cause of your child’s distress in order to solve their issues with school. It’s important to understand and support your child's individual emotional needs, acknowledging their vulnerabilities and focusing on their overall well-being. During this difficult time, they need your empathy. This requires a cool-headed, judgement-free discussion about their troubles. If you have trouble relating to your teen and discussing their problems, you may want to connect with a family therapist to give your teen an outlet to discuss their emotions.
Spotting Social Difficulties
While it can be hard for parents to see when their child is a target of bullying, the reality is that in-person and online harassment exists. It is important to recognize when a child is being bullied, as early intervention and support can make a significant difference in their well-being. Many schools now have strict anti-bullying policies in contrast to when today’s parents were teenagers, but that doesn’t stop bullying in its tracks. If your child is withdrawn and has a sudden change in their attitude towards school, don’t just call it a phase — talk to them, and keep talking until you find out what’s going on and how you can help.
The teen years are also a time when previously undiagnosed learning disorders or behaviour difficulties can present. These issues can make teens feel like outsiders, or feel powerless to change their lives for the better. As a parent, you are the expert in your child. If you feel concerned about their mental or physical health, talk to your family doctor to find out what treatment options are available. They will direct you to other professionals who can help you and your teen through this difficult time.
Addressing the Root Cause
When a child is struggling in school, it’s essential for parents to look beyond the surface and consider what might be driving these challenges. Many parents discover that mental health concerns, such as anxiety or depression, can have a significant impact on a child’s ability to attend school and perform well academically. If you notice your child is having a hard time, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. These experts can help you better understand your child’s emotions and work with you to develop strategies that address the root cause of their struggles. By taking mental health seriously and seeking the right support, parents can help their child feel more comfortable and confident at school, paving the way for lasting improvement.
Finding the Root Cause
Uncovering the root cause of your child’s struggles in school often requires a bit of detective work. Start by talking to your child’s teachers, family members, and even other kids who know your child well. These conversations can provide valuable insights into your child’s experiences both in and out of the classroom. Pay attention to patterns—such as complaints of stomach aches or headaches that seem to appear on school days—as these can be signs of anxiety or stress related to school. For instance, if your child regularly feels unwell before class, it may be their way of expressing emotional distress. By gathering information and keeping the lines of communication open, parents can identify the root cause of their child’s struggles and take meaningful steps to reduce stress and support their child’s well-being.
Initiating a Conversation
Now that you have an idea of what your teen’s issue might be, how can you set up a discussion to uncover how to help your teenager struggling in school? When you’ve decided on a time and place for the discussion, you might struggle to know what to say. Remember that you’re there just to listen and prompt them to open up, rather than lecture them about the importance of grades.
Focus on a few good questions to get them rolling. Be kind, but be persistent. They may try to brush you off at first, but remind them you want to help — and you need them to tell you what their problems are in order to do that.
Questions you can ask your teen who is struggling in school include:
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you feel about school lately?
- Do you feel supported at school? What can I do to help?
- How do you feel about [subject they struggle with]?
- Do you have any teachers who you don’t get along with?
- Do you ever wonder what the point of certain classes or subjects is?
- Have you thought about what you might want to study in university/college?
- What’s the coolest thing you learned in school this week?
- What do you like best about school right now?
Starting or ending with some more positive questions can help your teen reconnect to what they used to like about school, and find some areas to feel good about. Remember, the focus doesn’t have to always be on subjects your child struggles with. Giving them support and encouragement in the classes they like to help develop their self-esteem and their potential career interests.
Overcoming School Refusal
School refusal can be a particularly tough challenge for many families, but with the right approach, it’s possible to help your child feel comfortable returning to school. Many parents find that working closely with teachers and mental health professionals is key to overcoming school refusal. Establishing a consistent daily routine that includes time for homework, physical activity, and relaxation can help your child feel more secure and supported. Encouraging open conversations about their feelings and providing reassurance can make a big difference in helping your child feel understood and less anxious about attending school. Remember, you’re not alone—many families face this issue, and with patience and the right support, your child can regain their confidence and re-engage with their education.
Strategies for Overcoming School Refusal
When a child is struggling with school refusal, it’s important to identify the root cause and develop a personalized support plan. Parents can collaborate with teachers to create strategies that address their child’s specific needs. For example, if social anxiety is making it hard for your child to attend school, the plan might include gradual exposure to social situations or providing a quiet space where your child can take breaks when feeling overwhelmed. Ongoing encouragement and motivation are essential—celebrate small victories and remind your child that progress takes time. By working together, parents and teachers can help a child build confidence, reduce anxiety, and develop the skills they need to succeed in school.
Creating an Action Plan
Now that you’ve established a baseline of communication, it’s time to focus on how to help your teenager struggling in school with an action plan for improving their grades. This plan should be one you decide on together, so you can be sure they will stick to it. If they feel like it’s more homework on top of the work they’re already struggling to complete, the plan might not be one they can stick to. As you work together, remember to offer support and reassurance, helping your teen feel understood and encouraged throughout the process. With this in mind:
Set Realistic Goals
Your teen might never be a straight-A student, and that’s okay. They also can’t take tutoring in every single subject at the same time, so focus on what’s most important. If you’re not sure, speak with their teachers or school guidance counsellor for more information. Set goals together, and be sure you can dedicate time each week to help them with homework and studying. The time spent on these activities is crucial for academic improvement.
Engage a Private Tutor
Once your teen decides which subject they want to focus on, it’s time to look for a tutor. You can check out our blog for some helpful tips. You can also browse our tutor profiles to find a match that suits your teen’s learning style and personality. We also provide resources for parents and students seeking additional academic support. Check in regularly with the tutor and be sure to set expectations for how often you hear from them on your child’s progress. At TutorLyft, we offer both online and in-person learning, so your teen can decide which learning format is best for them.
Establish a Study Routine
Structure is just as important in the teen years as it is for younger children. If your teenager doesn’t already have an after-school and weekend routine, work together to make an agenda that suits them. Remember to build in lots of time for their activities and social life, as well as unstructured downtime. Encourage your teen to get involved in extracurricular activities or social groups, as being involved can foster connections and support their overall development. You might also find that more frequent, short blocks of studying time suits them better than marathon sessions on Sunday afternoons, for example. Experiment and don’t be afraid to change the rules so long as you are able to be firm and help them stick to a routine that suits them.
You can also find helpful study hints and exam prep guides in our Student Success Toolkits section.
Encourage Physical Activity
Physical activity is a powerful tool for helping children and teens overcome school refusal and manage anxiety. Regular exercise can reduce anxiety and stress, boost mood, and increase energy levels, making it easier for kids to face the school day. Parents can encourage their child to join a sports team, participate in a fitness class, or simply enjoy activities like walking, biking, or playing outside with other kids. Not only does physical activity support mental health, but it also provides opportunities for making friends and building relationships with other teens. Many teens find that staying active helps them feel better about themselves and more connected to their school community. By making physical activity a regular part of your child’s routine, you’re giving them another valuable tool to help them overcome school refusal and thrive both in and out of the classroom.
Promote a Healthy Lifestyle
Teenagers are still children, and their bodies and brains are still growing and developing. With this in mind, a plan to improve your child’s grades must include a nod to wellness. Stick to a routine for their days, including a regular bedtime (or at least a no phone after 10 pm policy!) A full night’s sleep will help them during the school day, and give them energy for their after-school activities.
Even with the fast pace of work and life for today’s parents, regular and balanced meals with your teens are important. As they spend more time away from home, teens often eat on the run and are tempted by fast food and store-bought treats. Try to balance this snacking with nutritious meals at home.
Now What? Maintaining Their Progress
When you have a plan that both you as a parent and your child each feel good about, it’s not enough to just sit back and wait for their next report card. Check in regularly with your teen, and celebrate the small victories, including high test scores and homework completed on time. For example, you might create a chart to track progress, set up a weekly review, or use a reward system—these are just a few examples of strategies that can help maintain motivation and progress. If your teen finds it motivating, you can set up a rewards system with treats, extra allowance money, etc. No matter what methods you use to encourage them, remember that consistency is key. You should be firm about the schedule and rules you’ve agreed on with your teen, and any adjustments can be discussed as a team.
Teenagers need a loving support system that includes building and maintaining friendships with friends, as well as support from family and their teachers. Maintaining a strong relationship with teachers and family members is essential for ongoing success. Supporting your teen emotionally and academically as they continue to work on their goals is important. Here are some practical ideas for parents and teens to stay motivated and engaged, such as setting short-term goals, joining study groups, or participating in extracurricular activities. Remember, most kids experience ups and downs with school, and it’s normal for motivation to fluctuate. Be aware of mental health issues that may arise, and don’t hesitate to seek mental health services if your teen needs extra support. There may be a moment when your child is struggling—responding with understanding and patience can make a big difference. As teens transition to young adults, ongoing support and guidance remain important. Encourage your teen to problem solve when they encounter challenges, helping them build resilience and independence. Participation in activities matters for building confidence and forming friendships. If your teen is transitioning to a new school, acknowledge the challenges and help them adjust by staying involved and offering reassurance. With these steps in place, your teenager can improve their grades and, best of all, improve their attitude towards school and accomplishing their responsibilities.
