The data are clear — parents who maintain a healthy involvement in their child’s education are able to have a big positive impact on their grades and self-esteem. Children of involved parents are also more likely to complete post-secondary education. However, there is a limit to how much involvement is healthy and likely to produce good results. Many parents wonder, “How much is too much?” and aren’t sure where to draw the line. In this blog, we’ll discuss healthy and unhealthy types of parental involvement in education. Plus, we’ll offer effective strategies that you can use to bolster your child’s self-confidence and independence as they grow into their teen years.
Benefits of Parental Involvement
Numerous studies have found that parental involvement in education has a number of beneficial impacts on school-based outcomes for their children. These benefits include improved grades on exams, and better behaviour in school. Involved parents, including those who read books to their children at home, volunteer at school functions, and bring their children to visit enriching cultural institutions, demonstrate to their children that learning matters, and that education is valuable.
But the type of beneficial parental involvement matters, too. Researchers distinguish between behaviourally involved parents and cognitively involved parents (although many parents are both!) The behaviourally-involved are those who volunteer at school, attend parent-teacher conferences, and go to school activities like science fairs and plays. Cognitively-involved parents are teachers at home — they look to stimulate their child’s learning with resources and activities that increase their engagement in learning. They provide hands-on help with homework and school projects.
While both types of involvement are beneficial to a point, the research suggests that parents’ behavioural involvement has a much greater impact on their child’s compliant behaviour at school than it does on their grades. Parents who provide an enriching environment for learning at home, on the other hand, are more likely to see a boost in their child’s report cards.
While both are important, these benefits are not unlimited. In the study noted above, the researchers found that the benefits are greater to elementary school students than to high schoolers. Also, the differences in behaviour and grades are more marked for students from lower class backgrounds than those from upper class backgrounds. Moreover, children from immigrant or minority households also get greater impacts from their parents being involved than children from the cultural or ethnic majority.
As parental involvement in education can reach a point of diminishing returns, how can the average parent balance their desire for their child to succeed with becoming too involved and wasting their effort? In the next section, we’ll discuss what an enriching learning environment looks like, and how you can feel confident you’re providing it.
Signs of Over-Involvement
So-called “helicopter parents”, or those parents who “hover” over their child’s social life and education, creating children who are fearful of making their own decisions and feel trapped by their parents’ wishes and expectations. These parents are often operating from a place of fear themselves — if they don’t do everything in their power to help their child succeed, will they receive a strong education and have a good career? The worry that their child will struggle through life with money troubles or social problems prevents them from allowing the child to make their own mistakes and learn from them.
As Stanford University education professor Jelena Obradović found in her research on the subject, “too much direct engagement can come at a cost to kids’ abilities to control their own attention, behaviour and emotions. When parents let kids take the lead in their interactions, however, children practise self-regulation skills and build independence.”
Over-involved parents cheat their children by preventing them from developing these critical life skills: negotiating with their peers, taking constructive feedback from teachers, and regulating their own emotions. Furthermore, over-involvement can increase children’s behaviour problems like anxiety and low self-esteem. Behaviour issues like these can be a warning sign of over-involvement. Shyness, passivity and withdrawal are also common symptoms of children who are struggling with over-involved parents.
Strategies for Appropriate Involvement
A balanced environment is critical. In the Canadian study mentioned above, the researchers stressed the point that children from middle and upper-class families tended to see less significant effects on their behavioural and educational outcomes from parental involvement than children from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. The reason for this is obvious: the children whose families had less access to financial, educational, social, and health resources had more to gain from their parents’ involvement and encouragement. The children from wealthier households were more likely to already have an enriching environment and access to resources to improve their learning and education.
In practical terms, parents, regardless of their socioeconomic status, should take stock of their child’s environment and their involvement. Which actions will have the most benefit, and which will be unlikely to move the needle on their child’s behaviour or grades? For working class parents or those with limited resources, it may be a case of choosing where to put your precious time based on your child’s needs. If they have behaviour issues, look for ways to get involved in school programs and make relationships with their teachers. If they struggle with their grades or with their interest in learning, look for free resources and low-cost programs that align with their interests and will not stretch your family budget.
For parents in the upper socioeconomic brackets, consider what you already have that enriches your child’s learning, and how much of your involvement is necessary. Unless your child has significant behaviour issues, your behavioural involvement in school will likely not make a significant impact on their outcomes. Focus instead on using your time and resources for enriching learning activities, and allowing your child to take the lead on exploring their interests.
Obradović also notes that timing matters — “The onset of elementary school is an especially challenging time when kids are expected to manage their attention, emotions and behaviours without parents’ direct help.” Allowing your child independence to solve their own problems sets them up for success as they age. Being over-involved with their teachers and playmates can prevent them from learning good coping strategies.
Tips for Balanced Parental Involvement
As your child grows, your rules and expectations for them will change. However, these tips can be adapted for any age and life stage. They will help your child to gain independence, and help you to feel involved without fear of overstepping.
- Establish roles: At the beginning of each school year, talk about what you can do to help, and what your child should handle on their own. For example, if they get a low grade on a test, they should speak to their teacher about it first and ask for extra help. You will get involved in the conversation if they begin to fail tests and need more support than the teacher can provide.
- Check-in, don’t check-up: To stay involved in your child’s education, go to them for information on how they’re doing first. Especially in the adolescent years, bypassing your child and speaking directly to their teacher can feel like a betrayal. For most students, the standard parent-teacher conference and report card cycle can be enough to keep parents abreast. If you feel your child is struggling and need to speak to their teachers, be sure they know about it first.
- Praise independence: As your child ages, reinforce their self-sufficient behaviour. Whether it’s studying or completing homework on their own, doing their own chores, or handling difficult conversations by themselves, praising their initiative ensures they feel confident in repeating the behaviour in the future.
Raising Independent Teens: Tips for Success
The project of the teen years is to separate from the parents and forge an independent identity outside of the family. This period of your child’s growth can be stressful for parents, as you struggle with your own fears and your child’s natural mood swings. However, the key to success in this stage of your child’s life is what we call “The 7 P’s." Briefly, be Present for your child, offer them Praise when they make independent choices and healthy risks, Prop them up and support their decisions, help them to Perceive their strengths and limitations, Promote their self-improvement, Promote their independence, and finally, be a source of Positivity. Model positive self-talk and help them develop a strong, confident mindset.
You can find more tips on parenting teens in our new Parents’ Community Corner.
Conclusion
Parental involvement in education is necessary for children to thrive in school and into their adulthood. However, it is possible for parents to stifle their children’s independence and growth by becoming too involved with their teachers, and by making decisions for them instead of with them. Great parenting is a balancing act — micromanage, and your children will struggle with the transition to adulthood. Remain uninvolved, and they may get the message that education is not important. To improve your parenting, be open to educating yourself on effective strategies and listening to feedback from teachers and trusted parents in your network. Most of all, be empathetic with yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but there are many kinds of very good parents whose children will appreciate their efforts as they grow into adulthood.
